


With Us Who Die

by Miko



Series: We Shall Keep The Faith [14]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Love Triangles, M/M, Multi, Open Relationships, Past Brainwashing, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Resolved Sexual Tension, Threesome - F/M/M, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 00:45:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3999490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miko/pseuds/Miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fallout of the revelation of Bucky and Natasha's past might bring Peggy everything she ever wanted - or it might destroy one of the people she loves most.</p><p>What really worries her is that it might manage to do both.</p><p> </p><p>This fic should be read in sequence with the rest of the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _Two more_ stories added themselves to the outline this morning. And really after poking at it, the last chapter of this and first chapter of the next one ought to be separated out into their own fic, but I can't cram any more titles into this section, lol. And here I thought when I was planning all this in the first place that the poem would have _more_ than enough lines to cover everything I wanted to write.
> 
> If I'm not careful this is going to end up being one of those series that I hate, that just go on forever long after it should be over. orz Two of the three that added themselves recently are backstory, at least. Still, I would actually like to have this stop eating my brain some time soon, I'm going to end up with CTS from all the typing. ;p

“Peggy! Get up, I need you!”

The sound of Bucky’s frantic voice, accompanied by the crash of her bedroom door being thrown open, sent Peggy jolting upright. She clutched the sheet to her chest reflexively, staring at him with her heart pounding in her throat. He looked as wild as he sounded, wide-eyed and so tense she could see the strain in his muscles even in the dim room.

“Bucky, what in the world?” she exclaimed. What could possibly have upset and disturbed him so badly? This wasn’t his normal reaction to a nightmare or flashback, not at all. 

She hadn’t been asleep, just lying there staring at the ceiling, replaying the events of the night over and over. After they’d left Steve’s, Bucky had responded to her gentle attempt to get him to talk about it by shaking his head and retreating into his quarters, saying only that he needed to think. She’d assumed she wouldn’t see him again until morning, if then.

“Get up,” he insisted urgently. “Get dressed, come with me.”

“Get dressed?” she repeated, more bewildered by the second. Not wanting to aggravate him further, she slipped out of bed and reached for the nearest set of clothes. “What’s going on? Are you all right?”

“It’s Steve,” he told her. “Something’s wrong with him. He won’t talk to me.” His flesh hand was gripping the edge of her doorway like it was the only thing holding him up, and she could hear the frame groan beneath the pressure.

“Steve?” She was starting to feel like a parrot. “What do you mean, he won’t talk to you?” 

What was he even doing anywhere near Steve? Dear God, had he gone back to try to talk to Natasha more? It was quite possible he hadn’t picked up on the fact that their two friends were about to get into an argument, or he might just not have realized that meant he therefore shouldn’t intrude.

“I mean he won’t fucking talk to me,” Bucky repeated. “I was going to the training room, I wanted to try to clear my head, and I ran into him. He looks like shit, I thought he was gonna hit me for a second.”

“Oh dear.” That certainly didn’t bode well for how things had gone between Steve and Natasha. Peggy finished pulling on her shirt, but instead of moving to leave she stepped forward and put her hands on Bucky’s shoulders. “Darling, I suspect he and Natasha have just had quite a row. It’s not surprising he doesn’t want to talk to you. We should leave him be to work it out.”

“You don’t understand.” Bucky worked his jaw, looking frustrated at his inability to convince her. “He told me to get the Hell out of his sight ‘cause he couldn’t deal with me right now.”

Shocked, Peggy stared up at him. “In those words?” Bucky nodded, and Peggy felt her heart sink. It would take a great deal of emotional strain to make Steve snap at Bucky like that. A _very_ great deal. “Where’s Natasha?”

“Not on the base. Computer says she took a jet and didn’t file a flight plan.” Bucky caught her hand in his and hauled her towards the door, and Peggy had to trot to keep up or she might have been dragged. He didn’t even give her time to find shoes, so she ended up half running through the halls in her bare feet, without so much as a pair of panties on, let alone a bra.

If Steve really had said something like that to Bucky, though, Peggy thought perhaps the urgency was warranted. 

At least it was late enough now that few people were in the halls. Those they did encounter took one look at Bucky’s grim and determined expression, and quickly vacated the area.

“If he’s mad because of... of me and Nata, maybe he’ll still talk to you,” Bucky said as he hurried her towards the training room. “You can always fix me, calm me down. Maybe it’ll work on him, too.”

“Unfortunately I doubt a lullaby is going to do any good with him,” Peggy sighed. “I’m certain he’s not angry with you because of your past with Natasha, Bucky. With her for not telling him, yes, but he wouldn’t blame you. He’s just hurt enough to be lashing out at anyone, which means I may not be much help either.”

“You’ll fix him,” Bucky insisted. “He’ll listen to you.”

They reached the last hallway before she could protest against his certainty. Bucky slapped his hand against the controls, but the door only beeped harshly and refused to open. Frowning, he tried again more gently this time, but it had the same result.

“He’s locked himself in,” Bucky said, tapping a few more buttons on the console. “He’s got the threat level at max... fuck. He turned off the safety protocols.”

“He what?” Peggy’s heart was suddenly pounding far too hard, even accounting for their dash through the halls. “You don’t think... he wouldn’t try to kill himself!” Not Steve, never. Sacrifice himself if necessary, yes, he’d do that in a heartbeat. As she knew all too well. But that was entirely different. Wasn’t it?

Thankfully, Bucky was shaking his head. “No, it’ll shut down before it kills him. He couldn’t override that if he wanted to and I don’t think he would. But it won’t stop him from getting hurt bad.” 

He scowled at the controls, and Peggy could tell it was taking every bit of his hard-won control not to smash them in. “He used to do this. Before. Anytime he got really pissed or upset, he’d go find the biggest bully he could and pick a fight. I’d spend days patching him up after, sometimes.”

That, Peggy could all too easily picture. She remembered the way he’d listed the places where he’d been beaten as they drove to the labs. At the time she still hadn’t known him well, and she’d assumed the bullies had been picking on him. Only later had she realized it was far more likely Steve had stepped in to confront _them_ if he felt they were doing something wrong.

She already knew he sometimes used a workout against a punching bag to help him relieve stress and aggression. Seeking out an enemy that would fight back was the next logical step. And he never had known when to quit.

“How do we get inside?” Peggy knew enough about computers now to be able to use the system, but certainly not enough to force it to unlock the door. If Bucky knew how, he’d have done it already.

He closed his eyes and bowed his head, thinking for a moment, then turned and looked at the wall. “Computer, contact Wanda. Urgent.”

There was a moment’s delay, then a holographic image appeared on the wall. Wanda was in a darkened room and judging by the drowsy look in her eyes and the way her hair was mussed, she’d been asleep just moments before. “Bucky? What is it, what’s wrong? Do you need me to come to you?”

“Can you override the lock on the training room door?” he demanded.

She blinked, looked at them blankly, and then blinked again. Peggy suspected she was trying to process the completely unexpected question. “How did you get yourself locked in? It’s not supposed to be able to do that.”

“We’re not locked in, we’re locked out,” Peggy explained. “Please, Wanda. It’s Steve. He’s hurt and upset and not thinking straight. We need to get to him.”

The other woman frowned, and her eyes glowed red as her gaze went distant. Then she jerked back as if she’d touched something hot, and the glow faded. “I think you’re right. I can’t override the door, but Romanoff...”

“Natasha’s not on the base,” Peggy interjected.

Wanda considered that. “Maria Hill should also be able to do it. If she refuses, tell her to contact me. Be careful. He’s very angry and frustrated.”

“We will, and thank you.” Peggy nodded at her as Wanda closed the connection, and Bucky ordered the computer to contact Hill instead.

Hill at least wasn’t in bed, or anywhere near one. She was still in her office, and she seemed surprised to be getting a call from the two of them. She looked first at Bucky, then at Peggy, and raised an eyebrow. Peggy knew she was taking in the way Bucky looked half manic and Peggy was barely dressed. “Can I help you two?”

“Override the training room door lock,” Bucky ordered her. “We need to get to Steve.”

The second eyebrow joined the first. “If he’s got the door locked it’s probably because the session he’s running is too high level to be safe for anyone to just walk in.”

“It’s at max level and he’s turned off the safeties,” Bucky said. “He’s mad and he’s not being careful and he’s gonna hurt himself.”

“Please, Agent Hill, you must trust us,” Peggy added. “I don’t want to go into details, it’s personal, but we need to get to him. Wanda was the one who told us to call you.”

“Maximoff did?” Hill frowned, and glanced away from the screen as she typed something into a different console. Whatever it told her clearly made her uneasy. “You’re right about the program. I’m sure he can handle it, but...”

She looked back at them, fixing her eyes on Peggy, and sighed. “Barnes might be overreacting, but you’ve got more sense than that. All right. You’ve got sixty seconds to get in, and then the lock will reactivate to prevent anyone else from wandering in by mistake.”

Bucky didn’t even wait long enough to let Peggy say thank you, just grabbed her hand again and hauled her through the now open door.

Inside it was absolute chaos. The lighting was dim but lasers and strobes lit the room in dizzying patterns. The noise was overwhelming, guns firing from all directions. Flying weapons rained bullets down on the room, and what seemed like an army of robots swarmed the ground. Smoke filled the air, cutting down on visibility and making it difficult to see details.

Steve was in the middle of it all in his uniform and helmet, laying waste to everything around him. He was a one-man army, decimating the enemy forces with nothing more than his shield and his bare hands, and under other circumstances Peggy would have been breathless with admiration.

But even from above she could see the places where Steve’s uniform had been torn, bloodied, and burned by enemy attacks. He wasn’t badly hurt, not yet, but the injuries would start to slow him down before too much longer and it would become a downward spiral. The look on his face was frightening, absolute focus and determination combined with a snarl of pain and anger. She’d never seen him so upset.

“Steve!” Peggy’s shout was lost immediately in the din, and she knew there was no possible way she could draw his attention. She turned to Bucky. “Can you shut the program down from in here?”

He was watching the battle with a grim look in his eyes, almost as focused as Steve was. His hands were clenched on the railing, hard enough that his metal hand was slowly squeezing it out of shape. Peggy’s question didn’t even make him blink, let alone respond, and she was terrified he’d been thrown into a flashback.

“Bucky!” She touched his arm, keeping the contact light and ready to back away in an instant if he turned on her. There was no predicting how he’d react to touch during a bad spell, and there was certainly no way she’d be able to sing him out of it in _this_.

He still didn’t look away from the fight, but at least he answered her. “He’s got it voice locked. Get me a rifle.”

“What?” Peggy wasn’t sure she’d understood him correctly. 

Impatiently he pointed past her at the wall, and she saw a rack of weapons. There were several rifles lined up, and she grabbed the one that looked like it had the best targeting scope. She didn’t know what he wanted it for, but he was a sniper first and foremost. When she handed to him he looked it over, sighted briefly through the scope, and nodded. 

“What are you going to do with it?” she asked. He couldn’t be planning to shoot Steve; if she’d understood Natasha’s explanation correctly, the system was programmed to prevent friendly fire. Although, perhaps that wouldn’t be true with the safety protocols off, but what good would hitting Steve do? They were trying to _stop_ him from getting hurt.

“I’m going to cover you,” he told her, as if it should have been obvious. “Get down there and snap him out of it!”

He wanted her to run out into the middle of the worst firefight she’d ever seen, trusting him to keep her safe with a weapon that was meant for long-distance precision shooting? If the robots didn’t get her, Steve might well hit her instead, not realizing she wasn’t another target.

It wasn’t like she had a choice. There were no better options, and she _did_ trust Bucky to keep her safe.

“Bloody Hell,” she muttered, snatching up a pair of pistols from the weapons rack. “The things I do for you boys.”

She fired each gun once to make certain they worked - it would be just her luck to discover that they had some sort of ‘on’ switch she didn’t know about - and went charging down the stairs and into the fray.

At ground level the noise, chaos, and confusion were even worse. The smoke proved to be simulated, which was good because she might not have been able to breathe, otherwise. Peggy forced her way in, shooting any of the robots that noticed her. Every so often one would fall on its own, or a flying weapon would come clattering down at her feet, and she knew Bucky was keeping his word.

“Steve!” she called, pitching her voice to carry as she’d learned to do on the drill field. Even so it was swallowed immediately by the gunfire. She’d lost sight of him, but she continued to push towards the middle of the room where she’d last seen him.

The distinctive clang of his shield striking metal nearby warned her just in time to duck, and it passed over her head to rebound off one of the robots and go on to strike another. She followed its path with her eyes and finally found him when it returned to his hand.

Three of the robots between them dropped in quick succession, and Peggy sent mental thanks to Bucky for clearing the path. Even better, having one of his opponents fall when it wasn’t his doing shook Steve out of that terrifyingly absolute focus, and he looked around in confusion.

Surging to her feet again, Peggy ran towards him. “ _Steve_! Damn it, turn the program off!”

She knew when he spotted her, because his eyes went wide and he fumbled the next catch of his shield. “End simulation,” he shouted. 

Suddenly the only sound in the room was the clatter of the flying weapons hitting the floor. The rest of the robots were frozen in position, and the smoke and flashing lights vanished as if they’d never been. Peggy’s ears rang as silence settled, and she had to blink a few times to clear her eyes.

“Are you insane?” Steve demanded, slinging his shield onto his back and striding over to grab her by the shoulders. “You could have been cut to pieces! God damn it, Peggy, I know you can handle yourself on the field but this is _not_ something you should be in the middle of.”

There were going to be bruises on her arms later, he was holding her so tightly. Peggy would have protested if she couldn’t feel the tremor in his hands and see the genuine shock and panic in his eyes. Instead she dropped her guns and raised her hands to his chest, reassuring him with her touch that she was alive and unharmed.

There was a thud to the side, and Peggy looked over to see that Bucky had swung himself over the railing and landed a few feet away. “I wouldn’t have let her get hurt,” he said to Steve, sounding cross that his friend doubted his ability to protect his girl.

Looking back and forth between them, Steve’s panic shifted to disbelief. “How the Hell did you even get in here? I know I locked the door, I checked it twice.”

“Hill let us in.” Bucky shrugged, unapologetic at their intrusion.

Releasing her, Steve took a step back so he could look at them both without having to turn his head. “ _Why?_ ”

“We were worried about you,” Peggy told him. “Bucky was frantic after what you said to him, and when we saw you’d turned the safety protocols off...”

“Damn it,” Steve muttered. He was still panting for air after the exertion of the fight, the rise and fall of his chest drawing her eyes and highlighting the damage he’d taken. “All right, look, I’m sorry I snapped at you, Buck. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. But I really _can’t_ deal with you right now, either of you. Please, just... go back to your quarters. I’ll be fine, I can handle it.”

“Hell, no,” Bucky retorted. “You won’t stop until you’re too battered to move. You’re just picking a different kind of fight you know you can’t win.” He hesitated, then added more quietly, “If you’re pissed at me ‘cause of Nata, that’s fine. I’ll go. But you need to talk to Peggy.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Steve exclaimed, but even he seemed to hear the way the anger in his voice gave lie to the words. He struggled with himself for a moment, then said more calmly, “I’m not mad at _you_ , Bucky. I promise. I’m really sorry. I’ll turn the safeties back on if it’ll make you feel better. Just _please_ go away, both of you.”

Peggy and Bucky exchanged glances, and he shook his head ever so slightly. He wasn’t satisfied that Steve would be all right, so Peggy wasn’t either. Not that she would have been, anyway. 

“What happened?” she asked, turning back to Steve. “Talk to us, Steve, please. You’re frightening me, I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Don’t make me order you both out, Peggy,” Steve replied, his voice going hard. “What happened is none of your business. I said I’ll be fine, now go.”

Bucky stepped up beside her, and rested his hand at the small of her back so they presented a united front to Steve. If Peggy hadn’t been watching so closely she’d never have seen the way Steve flinched in response, or heard the creak of protesting leather as he clenched his hands into fists.

It wasn’t the first time she’d seen signs that it hurt him, badly, to watch her and Bucky together. This was worse than usual, and she had a nasty suspicion she knew why. Still, she couldn’t just leave him like this, and she knew Bucky wouldn’t, either. “We’re not going anywhere,” she told him. “Not until you let us help you.”

“You can’t,” he said, volume rising with every word. He shoved his helmet off to rest against his back so he could glare at them more effectively. “You can’t, okay, the only thing you can do right now is rub salt in the God damned wound and make it _worse_. I love you both and I’m happy you’ve got each other but I just lost the only thing that was making that bearable, so get the Hell out of my face before I say something I’m going to regret later and lose you as well! Why won’t anyone let me end a damned argument tonight?”

“Steve,” Peggy whispered, heartbroken. That was exactly why she’d feared he was pushing them away, that he and Natasha had ended things and now he was alone. Of course he didn’t want to deal with either of them.

There was silence between them for a long moment, as Steve clearly regretted his outburst and Peggy tried to find something to say that would make it better instead of hurting him more. 

Finally Bucky growled. “This is bullshit,” he declared, and shoved Peggy forcefully at Steve with the hand he had at her back. “Just fucking go to him already!”

There was no way Peggy could resist that push, he was far too strong. She couldn’t even manage to stop herself before she fetched up against Steve, her hands braced against his chest again as he reflexively caught her by the waist to steady her.

“Damn it, Bucky, you’re not helping,” Steve snapped, at the same moment Peggy said, “For the last time, Bucky, I’m not leaving you no matter the circumstances!”

“Then don’t leave,” Bucky replied, frustration making his voice rough. “Just fucking be with him right now! He needs you.”

Again there was a heavy silence, but this time it carried overtones of astonishment. “Wait, what?” Steve sounded like he was certain he’d heard wrong. Peggy wasn’t sure she’d understood correctly, either.

“That’s what you and Nata do, isn’t it?” Bucky demanded, impatient with both of them. “So obviously it’s okay to share. Why the fuck can’t we? Why does Peggy have to choose?”

“You’d be all right with that?” Peggy asked, disbelieving. And here she and Natasha had thought Bucky would be the one to resist any suggestion of sharing. 

“I don’t see any other God damned way we’re gonna fix this shit,” he said, throwing his hands up. “It’s not like I _want_ to lose you, it’s just fucking killing me to watch you two tear yourselves apart because of me.”

“It’s not _because_ of you,” Peggy and Steve said on the same breath. Peggy blinked, and Steve tightened his hand on her waist, drawing her a little closer. She wasn’t sure he realized he was doing it, or if it was just an instinctive reaction to the idea that he might not have to let her go, after all.

“Yes, it is,” Bucky insisted. “And because he thinks you’d be mad at him for not letting Nata go if he’s with you, but if she’s gone what the fuck is stopping you if not me?”

There wasn’t a single argument Peggy could come up with to convince him because... well, there really weren’t any. Technically, he wasn’t wrong. It was because of him, they just didn’t blame him for it the way he seemed so certain they would.

“I love you both,” Bucky continued. “You love us both. He loves us both. So why are we all hurting each other?”

For all that social complexities - and even social simplicities - often escaped him, Bucky could have the strangest way of cutting straight to the heart of a matter. Perhaps it was precisely _because_ he paid no attention to the weight of the many complications clouding the issue.

There was one other thing to consider, though. “Steve, I know you and Natasha are fighting right now, but there’s still the chance you’ll fix it. Don’t forget to consider that.”

He swallowed hard, and the emotional agony etched into his expression when he shook his head stabbed at her heart. “Even if we hadn't fought, I'm not sure she'd have cared enough to object. She's been pushing me at you since day one.” He pulled her closer still, both hands on her waist now, but he looked over her shoulder at Bucky hesitantly. “Are you really damned sure, Buck? You know it’s only gonna make me feel worse if it turns out I hurt you after all.”

“You need her more than I do right now, pal,” Bucky replied. “I told you before, I ain’t gonna stand in your way. Especially not if I can keep her, too.”

“Peggy?” Steve switched his gaze to her, and the desperate hope and need she saw there was as painful to her as it was to him. Not just a need for a resolution to the tension that had hung between them for seventy years, though that was certainly part of it. What he seemed to crave most was the comfort she could offer him in that moment, a salve against the bitter wound he'd just suffered with Natasha.

She gave an unsteady laugh. “You doubt my answer for a moment? But I...” She bit her lip, worried that what she wanted to say next would send the fragile house of cards they’d just built tumbling down again.

No, she had to try. “I want both of you with me. Please? I can’t stand the thought of being with one of you only to hurt the other by leaving him in the cold, even if it’s only temporary. Not after weeks of watching you try to pretend it didn’t bother you, Steve. Can we do that?”

“Yeah,” Steve breathed out. “Yeah, I can do that. It’d make me feel a lot less guilty about shutting Bucky out.”

They both looked at the third member of their little group. Bucky frowned back at them, but it was a thoughtful expression. Peggy held her breath. If he didn’t want to join them... well, she’d still go with Steve, because Bucky was right that he was hurting so badly right now and needed the comfort she could offer him. And it would still be wonderful, but she’d be worried about Bucky alone in his quarters the whole time. So would Steve, undoubtedly.

Instead of answering, he stepped forward and put his hands on Peggy’s hips, just beneath where Steve was holding her. She could feel the warmth of him against her back and the warmth of Steve against her front, yet somehow it left her shivering instead of overheated.

Well, perhaps she was shivering because she was overheated, but it was the kind of heat that had nothing to do with temperature.

“God,” Steve groaned, and lowered his mouth to hers at last.

It was different from the kiss in the hallway, where he’d been taking his time and drawing it out so they wouldn’t be forced to let go quickly. There was an edge of desperation to his embrace this time, and it was hot and fierce and even a little rough.

Peggy didn’t mind. Holy Christ, did she not mind. She met him kiss for frantic kiss, trying to push his tongue out of her mouth with hers not because she didn’t want it there, but because it felt so good to try and fail. He seemed to agree, relentless in his passion.

Then Bucky stepped closer still and dropped his head to run his mouth along the curve of her neck, and Peggy gasped against Steve’s lips. She was pressed tightly between them now, and she thought she’d be happy if she never had to move again.

Tearing his mouth from hers, Steve turned his head to rest his cheek against her temple on the side away from Bucky. He was panting, but she could feel him trembling again and hear a tiny hitch in each breath he took.

This wasn’t just about the two of them, she had to remember. It wasn’t even about the three of them. Steve was hurting, and that wasn’t going to go away just because they finally had the chance to resolve things between them at last.

“Oh, darling,” Peggy murmured, and brought her hand up to touch his jaw gently. It made him choke on his next breath, and she knew she was right that he was struggling not to break down. 

Bucky had noticed as well; he’d lifted his head from her neck and was watching Steve carefully. Peggy felt one of his hands leave her hip, and then Steve shuddered against her as Bucky reached out to him instead.

A room full of frozen robots and destroyed machinery wasn’t exactly the ideal place to offer comfort to a loved one in pain, but Peggy wasn’t sure what would happen if she suggested they move. It might break the fragile bond the three of them had just formed, and make things awkward again. But if she waited any longer, Steve was going to refuse to go out into the public halls because he would be too obviously a mess.

To her surprise, Bucky beat her to it. “Upstairs,” he said gruffly. “Hell, Stevie, this is no way to treat a lady. Didn’t I teach you better?”

The comment made Steve chuckle, though the sound wasn’t quite steady. “Yeah. Sorry, Peg. Let’s... let’s go back.”

“My rooms,” she suggested, and knew she’d chosen right when she felt him relax marginally. Doubtless his quarters, where he’d just had the fight with Natasha, would hold bad memories for him right now.

She couldn’t quite stop the sound of regret that escaped her as they both stepped back, though. She felt chilled without them close. When Steve turned away and hastily wiped his face on his sleeve, Peggy carefully pretended not to notice.

As she tried to follow them to the stairs, however, pain shot through her feet and made her stumble. They both turned to her, questioning, and she grimaced. Balancing gingerly on one foot, she lifted the other and discovered that she must have cut herself on the debris as she was trying to get to Steve. She hadn’t even noticed at the time, too pumped with adrenalin and concern for him.

“You sent her down here barefoot?” Steve exclaimed, shooting Bucky an exasperated look. 

“Didn’t think about it,” Bucky muttered, cheeks flushed. He leaned down and scooped her up, his metal arm cool against her back and her knees supported by his other arm, holding her like a bride.

Even though she knew full well how strong they both were, it still sometimes surprised Peggy when Bucky casually lifted her with no sign of strain. She wrapped an arm around his neck and settled into his hold. “What about the mess?” she asked as they climbed the stairs.

“The computer will sweep the room and reset the programs as soon as we leave,” Steve told her. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s just get you upstairs so we can get your feet cleaned out.”

They garnered a few odd looks from passing base personnel, though nobody was bold enough to ask questions. Peggy was certain her cheeks were on fire by the time they reached the hall with their quarters.

She saw Steve glance at Natasha’s door, but the panel was grey, as was his own. Likely the other woman hadn’t returned to the base yet. Peggy wondered sadly if she was planning to at all, or if the destruction of her relationship with Steve had been too complete to allow that. 

Unfortunately, as she’d feared Steve was now hesitating, looking at the two of them awkwardly. “Uh, maybe I should just...”

“You should just fucking get in here already,” Bucky grumbled, bending his knees so Peggy could put her hand on the panel to open her door. He stood there glaring until Steve sheepishly preceded them, then followed the other man inside and let the door close behind him. 

“Sit,” Bucky ordered sternly, jerking his chin at the couch. Clearly bemused, Steve sat obediently, and Bucky promptly deposited Peggy into his lap. “You hold her, I’ll get the kit. Don’t move.”

Peggy and Steve sat there for a moment, blinking at each other, before Steve managed a wry smile. “You know, I forgot how bossy he gets when he’s taking care of somebody.”

“He used to do this to you, too? I thought it was a leftover function of the way they programmed him to protect me.” It sometimes drove her crazy when he fussed over her, but she appreciated that he cared enough to want to.

“Well, he’s being less charming and more drill sergeant about it than he used to,” Steve admitted. He shifted his hold on her so she was seated sideways on his lap, her legs stretched out over the rest of the couch, one arm wrapped around her waist to help keep her in place.

He didn’t seem to know what to do with his other hand, so Peggy caught it in hers and laced their fingers together, resting it on her thigh. When she leaned her head on his shoulder he sighed and buried his face in her hair, inhaling the scent of her.

Bucky did that all the time, too, and now she remembered that Steve always had as well. What did she smell like to them, with their enhanced senses? Good, presumably, or they wouldn’t keep doing it. It was hard to imagine what the world looked like to the two of them thanks to their transformations.

Lifting her other hand, Peggy stroked along his jawline, feeling the faint rasp of stubble catching at her fingertips. He shuddered, but she thought it might not be entirely from heartbreak this time.

Of course, she was probably about to change that. “Talk to me?” she pleaded softly. “You don’t have to tell me the details, just... what happened?”

It didn’t really surprise her when he shook his head without looking up. “Not yet,” he said hoarsely. “I can’t.”

“Please, darling.” She stroked his jaw again, then slid her hand up further to run her fingers through his hair. He tilted his head into the contact, nuzzling at her throat in response.

Bucky was back, and he caught her eye and nodded at her. Silently he crouched at the other end of the couch and took one of her feet in his hands to clean it. The message was clear enough; he wouldn’t interrupt because he wanted her to focus on getting Steve back on an even keel.

Peggy waited patiently, offering the comfort of her touch, not pushing any harder yet. Steve hadn’t said ‘no’ again, and until he did, she would wait. 

“We fought,” Steve finally admitted, almost too quiet to hear though he spoke right next to her ear. “You knew that already. We’ve argued lots of times, but this was a _fight_.” His hand tightened on hers, not quite to the point of pain, but Peggy wouldn’t have protested even if it had hurt. Not when he was finally opening up.

Instead she made a soft, encouraging noise and continued to stroke his hair. After a moment where he sounded like he was trying to catch his breath, Steve continued. “She wouldn’t apologize. Wouldn’t even admit she’d done anything wrong at all, kept trying to justify it. She was hurting so bad, I’ve never seen her like that. I was just so mad, I didn’t care.”

Peggy doubted that. Steve would always care about the pain of others. It was only that he’d been in enough pain himself that seeing Natasha hurting wasn’t enough to cool him off. That was certainly a recipe for disaster.

“Then just when I thought maybe I could get ahold of myself...” Steve trailed off, and swallowed. He pulled her tighter to him, and she let her hand drift down to the back of his neck, holding him close in return. “Well, she turned it personal. I told her to get out, figured it would be better to cool off and pick up again later when we could both be reasonable about it, but she shut down on me. You’ve never seen her do it, she just... turns off everything. Like there were never any emotions in the first place. Sometimes I wonder if there ever were.”

She felt him turn his head to look at Bucky, proving that he wasn’t so lost in his pain he’d forgotten about their third. “The way she was, talking to you... is that what she used to be like? Before she got so damned cynical and jaded?”

Bucky frowned as he considered the question, probably reaching for memories that were mostly still out of his grasp. “She was always cynical and jaded,” he finally said. “What they did to those girls... it was inhuman, Steve. It hurts to remember I was part of it. But she never gave up, never let us break her, or at least made it really fucking hard to do. I think... I think maybe she reminded me of you. And of Peggy. I just didn’t know it at the time.”

He looked up at them, and Peggy could see the anguish and remorse in his eyes. “I pulled her out of her cell one night because... I don’t know, I needed to understand why I couldn’t stop thinking about her, I guess. She assumed I was after something else, but I didn’t even understand what she _meant_. It surprised her, that I just wanted to talk.”

“How long were you out?” Peggy asked him. She knew nothing about this period in his life; they hadn’t woken her for any of this, and by the next time she saw him they’d erased it all. 

“I don’t know. A few months, maybe half a year?” Bucky shook his head. “We kept meeting at night. At some point I figured out what she thought I wanted in the first place, and by then she wasn’t mad about me wanting it after all. She was softer, at night, I remember that. She’d look at me that way in private, even though it sure seemed like she still hated me during the day. And then I can’t remember anything after that except when they caught me.”

His mouth twisted bitterly, and he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, anguish had turned to anger. “I hurt her. I helped _break_ her. Not just in the training... you heard what she said, what I taught her about love. That’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s HYDRA’s,” Steve reassured him. “That one you _really_ can’t take credit for, it wasn’t even something you did directly.” When Bucky continued to look stubborn, Steve untangled his hand from Peggy’s and reached out to touch the other man’s shoulder. “She said you also taught her about freedom, Buck. That’s pretty damned big. Considering how many times she’s saved my life, I might not even be here now if you hadn’t given her that desire to be free.”

He was being sincere, Peggy could tell, but there was also a shadow lurking in his eyes. Surely he couldn’t help but wonder: if the fallout of her relationship with Bucky hadn’t shattered Natasha’s belief in love, how different would her relationship with Steve have been? Would this fight and break up even have happened?

Peggy was so bloody tired of watching Steve be hurt by doubts and regrets and lost possibilities. She finally had the chance to fix at least one of those sources of pain for him, and she was damned well going to take it. Catching his chin with her fingertips, she turned his head until she could lean in and kiss him again.

He returned the embrace willingly, his arm tightening around her waist. It was a less frantic kiss than the last, but still rough and fierce and full of need. They’d both wanted this for _so_ long, Peggy was afraid of how intense the first time was going to be.

Well. Afraid might not be quite the right word.


	2. Chapter 2

This time Steve showed no signs of breaking the kiss because it hurt him too badly. Peggy could still feel the slight tremors in his body, but she put her heart and soul into the embrace and Steve responded in kind. She couldn’t even try to fix his anguish over Natasha, but she could at least offer the best kind of comfort and distraction. 

“You’re wearing far too much,” Peggy told Steve when they finally broke for air. He looked at her, astonished, and she smiled. “Too forward? I believe we already had the conversation where you assured me you weren't expecting a demure, innocent maiden.”

“Not likely,” he snorted. “I _heard_ you two in the gym, remember?” Immediately after the words left his mouth he turned red, and looked away. “Jesus, I’m...”

Deftly Peggy caught him in another kiss, stopping the apology he’d been about to make. “The main reason I was upset about that is because I knew it had hurt you,” she told him. “I’m hoping next time you’ll be watching as well as listening - and enjoying yourself in the process.”

“Jesus,” he said again, but this time it sounded reverent instead of repentant. The way his hand tightened on her suggested the invitation was not unwelcome in the least.

“You’re still wearing too much, and anyway there’s nowhere for Bucky,” Peggy reminded him. “I think it’s about time we retire, gentlemen.”

Steve kissed her one last time, then slipped his arms beneath her and lifted her easily. Bucky took her from him and carried her into the bedroom, setting her gently down among the mussed bedding. When Peggy looked over Steve was right behind them, and he’d already set his shield aside and started the process of opening his outer jacket.

“That damned uniform is going to take forever to get off, isn’t it,” Peggy realized. There were so many belts and buckles and fastenings, not to mention his boots and whatever else he wore beneath it.

“It’s not exactly designed for fast removal,” Steve admitted with a grimace. “So why don’t you...” His voice broke, and he coughed as he went red again. After a moment he seemed to gather his courage, and met her eyes with a familiar shy smile as he finished hoarsely, “Why don’t you put on that show?”

There was something incongruous about seeing the same adorable smile he used to give her when asking to hold her hand, while he asked for her to start having sex with Bucky instead. Incongruous, but undeniably arousing. 

Body modesty was something Bucky had long since lost any trace of, so it didn’t surprise Peggy that he was already nude as he settled onto the bed. He chose to sit behind her, which confused her until he reached around to cup her breasts in both hands through her shirt, and Steve made an undignified noise that wasn’t quite a moan.

With a moan of her own Peggy arched into the touch, pushing her breasts more firmly into Bucky’s hands as she leaned her head back on his shoulder. He bit at her neck and pinched her nipples, then dropped his hands to slide them under the shirt instead. He played with her a little longer, the metal of his left hand cold against her heated flesh, and then he pulled back enough to let him tug the shirt over her head.

When she could see again she found Steve bare to the waist, but he’d frozen with his hands on his belt, staring at them. She might have been worried, except that even from this distance the heat in his eyes scorched her soul. It appeared they had quite successfully distracted him from thinking about his fight with Natasha. Perhaps a little _too_ successfully.

“You just gonna stand there, or are you gonna finish and get your ass over here?” Bucky demanded, his voice low enough that it could be called a growl, but it sounded more like a purr to Peggy. If his words and tone were anything to judge by, she thought perhaps she could stop worrying about whether he truly wanted to be doing this.

“Right,” Steve said, and hastily undid his belt.

Peggy lost track of what he did after that, as Bucky continued to pinch and roll her nipples while trailing biting kisses over her neck and shoulder. She closed her eyes at some point, the better to concentrate on the sensations his talented hands and mouth wrung out of her.

And then there was another set of hands, hesitant like he still wasn’t entirely sure of his welcome, as Steve settled onto the bed in front of her and slid his fingers into her hair. He used the hold to tilt her head for another kiss, just as heated as the previous ones. He licked at her mouth and nipped at her lips, and when he and Bucky coincidentally managed to land bites at the same time she cried out softly.

Remembering that she had hands as well, Peggy reached out and ran her fingers over the solid curves of his pectorals. His injuries were already mostly gone, leaving lovely smooth skin behind. God, he really had the most gorgeous chest, it wasn’t at all fair. Bucky’s was amazing, too, but Steve’s was just... perfection. She loved him for the heart inside it; there was a reason the picture she’d kept of him was the one from before the transformation. But damn, she did like touching it.

“Get her pants off,” Bucky said. Steve glanced at her for permission, and she nodded.

His hands on her hips were so strong and warm and callused. Steve pulled the loose pants down her legs, pausing briefly to make another one of his not-quite-moans when he realized she wasn’t wearing anything beneath. 

“Bucky dragged me out of bed,” Peggy explained, embarrassed by the lack. She didn’t want him to think it was something she did often.

“I’m not complaining,” he assured her, so fervent he made her blush again.

Once the pants were off Steve traced his hands back up over one of her legs, fingers trailing over the muscles with a touch that was just firm enough not to be ticklish. Swallowing, Peggy drew her other knee up in a way that parted her thighs suggestively, and saw Steve breathe out hard in response.

He didn’t take the invitation, moving to the outside to reach her hip, though he did give her a heated smile before he returned his attention to what he was doing. His fingers continued up over her navel, then slid beneath the curve of her breast and explored the hidden flesh there before finally cupping her in his palm. Peggy moaned as he pinched at her nipple, and again when he leaned down with the obvious intention of putting his mouth on her.

“Bucky?” he murmured, just before he closed his teeth gently over the taut nub.

She had no idea what he was asking, but Bucky must have because he simply replied, “Yeah.” Then she understood, as Bucky eased her back until she was half-lying, supported in mid-air by his hand in the centre of her back, so that he could trace his tongue over her other nipple.

Peggy cried out and writhed beneath them, hard enough to almost push right off Bucky’s supporting hand. She’d always loved having her nipples bitten and licked, and more than once she’d wished it was something she could experience with both breasts at once.

The reality _far_ outshone her fantasies.

She had her hands buried in their hair, pressing to keep them in place though it didn’t seem like either of them had any intention of moving. Someone’s hand slid at last over her stomach to play with her curls before delving further still - Steve, she assumed, since Bucky was holding her up with his right hand.

The thought that it was Steve with his fingers stroking over her, slipping through her wet folds to find the place that made her wild... God, how many times had she dreamed about that during the war, imagined that it was his hand instead of her own warming her up in her cold army cot? 

Her heart was pounding so hard she could feel it shaking her chest, and she was alternately gasping and panting for air. She thought she was saying something, maybe their names but possibly just an endless repetition of ‘please’.

Steve bit down harder, at the same time Bucky pressed his tongue over her and sucked hard, and Peggy came undone in their arms.

When she was able to think again, some moments or minutes later, she was flat on her back and they were watching her intently from either side. Bucky was smirking, though it was indeed Steve’s hand that was glistening with her wetness. Steve had a look of quiet astonishment and slowly growing joy in his eyes, and Peggy fell in love with him all over again.

"Was that okay?" he asked, as uncertain as he'd once been after each time he'd kissed her. Back then it had made more sense, he'd been shy and inexperienced. But at this point he'd fairly well proven he knew what he was doing. And Peggy thought she'd been making it more than obvious that nothing he could do to her would be unwelcome. Why the need for reassurance?

"Darling, for all the many, _many_ times I've fantasized about what it would feel like to have your hands on me that way, I didn't even come close to picturing how good it would truly be," she told him, blushing at her own confession but not wanting a doubt left in his mind.

They seemed to be the words he needed to hear, because heat flooded his eyes and pushed out every trace of uncertainty. “My imagination didn't do you justice, either. You sound amazing when you come.”

“She tastes even better,” Bucky told him, and before Peggy realized what he intended he caught Steve’s hand and raised it to his lips, licking her juices off the other man’s fingers the way he usually did off his own.

Steve gasped and jerked against her, obviously startled by the unabashedly sensual touch. Bucky blinked at him, just as startled by Steve’s reaction, not realizing he’d done anything inappropriate. 

“Bucky, don’t,” Peggy blurted out, hoping against hope that her lover hadn’t just put Steve off the idea of continuing with both of them. She could never predict when they would find yet another thing Bucky didn’t know that he should or shouldn’t do, but this might be the most awkward gap in his memories yet. “You mustn’t...”

“God, don’t _stop_ him,” Steve protested on a moan. He seemed to realize what he’d said a moment later, and turned bright red as he gave her a frantic look that pretty much matched the way Peggy felt - as if he was afraid he’d scared them off.

Bucky was glancing back and forth between them, still holding Steve’s hand but clearly baffled by their reactions. “What’d I do wrong?”

Belatedly Peggy remembered Natasha’s comment earlier, about the boys ‘putting on a show’, and how she had wondered at the time if the other woman had some reason to think Steve wouldn’t object to the contact. Apparently it hadn’t been idle speculation after all.

Steve was biting his lip now, a kind of guilty longing in his eyes, mixed with shame as he waited for her to judge him and find him wanting. Meeting his gaze squarely, Peggy caught their joined hands and raised them to her own mouth, kissing both their knuckles in turn. “Absolutely nothing,” she told Bucky firmly, and overwhelming relief flooded Steve’s expression.

“I did _something_ ,” Bucky complained, starting to scowl. He hated it when people tried to brush his mistakes off without explaining them, frustrated by knowing he’d done something he shouldn’t have without knowing what it was so he could avoid it in the future.

“This time I’m the one who was wrong, dearest,” Peggy assured him. “I thought Steve would be uncomfortable with the way you were touching him.”

“What? It’s just his fucking hand, it’s not like I put my mouth on his dick,” Bucky objected. Steve made a tiny sound, the faintest edge of a moan he didn’t quite manage to stifle, and Peggy concluded he wouldn’t have minded _that_ , either.

Licking his lips, Steve seemed to debate his options. He glanced at her again, as if he was asking permission for whatever he was about to do. Peggy had no idea what it was, but she nodded encouragingly.

Turning his hand in Bucky’s so he was the one grasping the other man, Steve pulled until he could slide Bucky’s finger into his mouth, the way his friend had done to him just moments before. She saw his tongue flick over the soft curve of flesh between fingers, before his lips closed around the digit.

“Shit,” Bucky exclaimed, and it was his turn to jerk in surprise against Peggy. He was close enough that she could feel his cock jump in response against her hip. “Jesus Christ, Steve.”

Immediately Steve let him go, and would have pulled away entirely if Peggy hadn’t caught him around the waist to hold him in place. “Don’t run, darling,” she told him, husky with arousal. Watching that had been shockingly intense, for all that it was a relatively innocent act. “He was surprised, not upset.”

“Upset?” Bucky repeated, shaking his head. “You thought he’d be upset, now he thinks I would be?” He frowned. “Should we be? I guess... if it feels like _that_ , there’s not really that much difference between that and your dick.”

Obviously he still retained some grasp of the idea that there were things men weren’t supposed to do with each other, though Peggy wasn’t sure he remembered why. He considered it a moment longer, then rolled his eyes. “Stupid,” he declared. “As stupid as you two beating yourselves up instead of us just doing this sooner. Fuck that. It feels good.”

Steve let out a shaky breath, and Peggy pushed herself up to sit so she could kiss him again. Then she turned and kissed Bucky just as fiercely, wiping the scowl off his lips by licking at them until he turned the tables and tried to devour her.

Bringing her hand back around to Steve’s front now that she no longer had to prevent him from fleeing, Peggy traced over the lines of his abdomen. He shivered, then moaned when she dipped down and her fingers brushed the head of him. Feeling bold, she moved farther still and wrapped her hand around him, thumb brushing over his slit.

He was hot and hard, big enough that he was a solid handful but not so big she’d fear the pain of trying to take him. Slowly she stroked him, enjoying the noise he made each time she reached the top of the motion and rubbed her thumb over him again. Already he was panting against her shoulder, and he’d taken his hands off her to grip the sheets instead. Bucky would do that, when he wasn’t sure he could keep control and not hurt her. Peggy was both flattered and disappointed.

Chill metal brushed against her nipple, distracting her and making her rhythm on Steve falter. He groaned a protest and his hips rocked, thrusting him through the tunnel of her hand. Bucky was still playing with her, breaking the kiss so he could alternate the cool touch of his hand with the wet heat of his mouth until her nipple was so tight with desire it was almost painful.

A larger hand closed over hers around Steve’s length, and for a moment she thought it was his. The way he gave a startled shout and trembled all over as if he was barely holding himself back suggested another culprit, however.

Sure enough when she turned to look it was Bucky’s hand over hers, guiding her in a stronger, faster pace that left Steve gasping with every stroke. Bucky was still tonguing her nipple, but she could see his eyes were on Steve’s face. 

It was obvious that Steve wasn’t going to last long at this rate. Peggy tried to pull away, but Steve groaned and Bucky tightened his grip, preventing her from stopping. “Steve, I want to have you inside me tonight,” she protested breathlessly.

“Oh, God...” Again he shuddered with the effort of controlling himself, and when Steve met her eyes the flush on his cheeks had nothing to do with embarrassment. “You... you will, I promise, just don’t stop!”

He hardly needed to make the plea, because no sooner were the words out of his mouth than Peggy felt him jerk beneath her fingers, and he cried out as his semen covered Peggy and Bucky’s joined hands.

Bucky finally let go, allowing Peggy to do the same. Steve collapsed onto his hands and knees, panting. With a curious expression Bucky lifted his hand to his lips and tasted, but grimaced. “Ugh. Not nearly as good as yours,” he told her.

“You get used to it,” she told him with a chuckle. When he looked doubtful, she gave him an arch look. “Do you think yours is any better? You’ve never heard me complain.”

Her words made Steve groan. “Now I’m never going to get that image out of my head,” he said, but he didn’t quite manage to make the words sound like a complaint. He pushed himself up again, and Peggy wasn’t really surprised to see that he was still hard. 

“You’re going to be as bad as he is, aren’t you,” she said, resigned to her fate. Bucky could get off as many as three times before he would soften at last. He didn’t necessarily need to, but he certainly preferred it.

“Bad?” Bucky repeated, frowning in concern as he looked at Steve. “What’d I do _now_?”

“Not that kind of bad, darling,” Peggy told him. “But there’s only so much a woman can take in one night! _Once_ each inside me. Anything else, we find another way for.”

Steve looked torn between arousal and mortification, but he laughed. “Yeah, okay, that’s fair,” he admitted. “Natasha always complains...”

His voice broke when his mind caught up with his mouth, and he closed his eyes as he struggled with sudden emotion. Peggy reached out to him, and he took her offered hand and squeezed it with gratitude.

Bucky’s eyes were distant, presumably as he remembered something. “Yeah, she’d...”

Peggy pinched him, and he focused on her with a look of betrayal until she tilted her head at Steve to indicate the way he’d gone tense. The last thing Steve needed was to hear Bucky reminiscing about his sexual experiences with the woman Steve had just lost.

Thankfully Bucky seemed to understand, because he didn’t say anything further. Instead he reached out and caught Steve by the back of the neck, drawing him in until their foreheads rested together. “I’m here, buddy,” Bucky murmured. “We both are. You’re not alone.”

“Thanks,” Steve said hoarsely. His eyes were suspiciously wet when he opened them again, but he managed a smile. “Bucky’s turn, I think. Don’t suppose you’d let me watch you get that taste of him?”

More than willing, Peggy pushed on Bucky’s shoulder until he backed away and gave her enough room to go down on all fours in front of him. His cock was already dripping with fluid, and he groaned as she leaned in to run her tongue along him, lapping up a trickle that had spilled down the length.

Normally she would take him as far into her mouth as she could, but that wouldn’t give Steve much to watch. Bucky certainly wasn’t complaining as she licked and sucked and even carefully nibbled her way up him, until she could lap at the fluid on his head like a cat with cream. The familiar bitter, salty taste of him exploded over her tongue and mixed with the heady scent of musk and male desire.

He had his right hand buried in her hair, and she could feel the way he was struggling not to tighten his grip too much. Usually this was the point where she had to hope he wouldn’t end up breaking another piece off the bedframe - although she’d rather that than have him break _her_ \- but when she glanced over she saw his metal hand caught firmly in Steve’s grip, and Steve wasn’t protesting the strength of the hold.

Smiling to herself, Peggy opened her mouth and sucked Bucky in, wringing a heartfelt groan from him. She lifted a hand to curl around what she couldn’t take in, stroking in time with the bobbing of her head as she slowly worked him into a frenzy. 

Steve ran his free hand down over her back, fingers tracing every bump of her spine and making her moan. That in turn made Bucky grunt and tremble against her, so she did it again just for fun. She felt him jerk in her mouth in reaction, and heard him swear under his breath above her.

When Steve slipped his hand over her buttocks and between her thighs, Peggy shuddered and spread her knees on the bed to give him better access. He teased her for a moment, just dipping the tip of one finger inside her, then pulled back. 

She was ready to do a little cursing of her own when she felt him move, kneeling between her calves and leaning over to bite at the nape of her neck. She gasped around Bucky as she felt Steve’s length slide along the crease of her backside, until the head touched her wet folds and just nudged against her entrance.

And he _stopped there_ , making her cry out with indignation and aching need. Bucky cursed again and followed it up with a breathless laugh. “If you stopped to check if you’re allowed, pretty sure her answer is _fuck yes get on with it already_.”

“Peggy?” Steve asked anyway. 

While she appreciated Steve’s consideration, Bucky was _not_ easing up on the pressure he had on her head, which meant there was really no way for her to answer him coherently. Desperately she rocked her hips back against him, and he was lined up just right to allow her to get the first inch or so of him inside her. “Shit,” she heard him swear, and then he finally took the invitation and pressed forward.

He was bigger than she’d first thought, not as long as Bucky but a little wider, and he stretched her in the most delicious way. Peggy moaned as he sank inside, taking his time to make sure she adjusted. If she could have she’d have told him it was fine to go faster, but all things considered it wasn’t such a bad thing that her mouth was occupied.

Almost feverishly, she blessed the absent Natasha for ordering her to go talk to the resident doctor in Avengers Tower her first day in New York. Modern medicine was a marvel, and it meant she didn’t have to put any barriers between her and her boys. Well, modern medicine and the alterations that had been done to each of them that meant they physically couldn’t pick up any nasty surprises to pass on to her.

She would have hated to miss out on the way Steve’s heated flesh rubbed against her inner walls. She moaned again and again as he started to thrust, and the feel of him inside her was everything she’d hoped it would be during those long, lonely nights on the front.

Bucky was growing harder and harder inside her mouth, and at her third breathless moan he shouted and lost control. Peggy swallowed, trying to suck down every drop of him, but some leaked from her lips despite her best efforts.

When he finally let go of her head and pulled away she gasped for air, each shuddering breath taken in time with Steve’s thrusts. Part of her wished Bucky had lasted longer, so she could feel them both spilling inside her at the same time, but she thought she might have passed out first. From lack of air or overwhelming pleasure, she wasn’t sure. The latter option might still be on the table.

Bucky hadn’t gone far, watching them both intently. She saw him lick his lips, and between that and Steve driving into her from behind, she was reminded of the fantasy she’d entertained when Natasha had suggested the four of them simply go to bed together. Liquid heat shot through her at the memory, and Steve groaned as she squeezed around him.

The thought of asking for it, of actually saying it out loud, made her heart pound in a combination of anticipation and anxiety, but that wasn’t nearly enough to make her keep quiet. “Steve... Steve, I... there’s something... I want.”

He slowed the motion of his hips, gentling his touch until he was just resting inside her, both of them panting and shivering with the strain of staying still. “What? Anything,” he promised her.

Looking up at Bucky, at his mouth, Peggy thought of that agile, clever tongue of his and moaned again. “I want you inside me, like this. But with Bucky’s mouth on me. Is that possible?”

Both of her boys swore, though Bucky’s word was considerably harsher than Steve’s. The similar reaction made her chuckle. “Sorry, is that too much?”

“Only for my self-control,” Steve muttered. He leaned over her, and she saw him mentally calculating angles and positions. “All right. I think...”

He wrapped his arm across her chest, just beneath her breasts, and lifted her up against him as he sat back on his heels. The new position changed the angle of him inside her and Peggy cried out as he rubbed against the place Bucky sometimes found, the one that made her come harder than anything else could.

“Nngh.” The noise Steve made was unintelligible, but it didn’t sound bad. He was panting into the curve of her neck, holding her tightly to him. Bracing his other arm against the bed, he leaned back farther still, and spread his knees between hers to force her legs open right to the limit she could stand. It was an awkward position and they wouldn’t be able to hold it long, but it would work.

“Bucky?” Steve demanded when a moment passed without their third member moving.

Bucky was staring at both of them, frozen, eyes wide. His expression was difficult to read, and Peggy had an awful moment of fear that he’d either been thrown into a flashback, or the blatant display of Steve inside her like this had hurt him after all.

Then he shook his head sharply, like a man awaking from a dream, and suddenly the heat burning in his eyes wasn’t difficult to read at all. Apparently, he’d just been stunned senseless by arousal. “Fuck, yeah,” he gasped as he moved towards them. 

Taking the spot between their spread knees, Bucky started with his mouth on her breast, sucking hungrily at her turgid flesh. He didn’t stay there long, shifting downwards until his tongue was sliding over her folds, seeking and finding the place that would drive her to the peak faster. 

Steve couldn’t thrust much from this position, but every roll of his hips pressed him against that spot inside her. Peggy didn’t know how much he was getting out of it, but she was in absolute Heaven. She’d have told them as much, but all she could seem to produce were husky cries of pleasure every time Steve moved or Bucky flicked his tongue.

Then Steve shouted, trembling against her and nearly falling over before he managed to prop them back up. He cried out again, and this time Peggy felt the movement of Bucky’s hand between her legs. On Steve, presumably; probably playing with his sacs. That was something that always made Bucky lose control, too.

Now Steve was rocking his hips faster, with an extra little jolt at the apex of each thrust that pushed him hard into her. Bucky had caught his rhythm and was stroking her with his tongue at the same pace, and already Peggy could feel her inner muscles going tight in preparation to explode.

Another three thrusts was all it took, and Peggy was truly screaming this time as she convulsed around Steve, pushing frantically against Bucky’s tongue. He didn’t let up, and the orgasm seemed to go on and on until she didn’t know up from down any more.

Steve pulsed inside her with a hoarse groan, and finally Bucky moved back and allowed her to breathe. When Steve collapsed onto his back all Peggy could do was follow him down, lying sprawled out over him and shivering with aftershocks of pleasure.

“God... damn...” Steve said after a long minute. Peggy made a vague noise of assent, then whimpered a protest as he carefully slid out of her and shifted their position to something more comfortable. They were lying the wrong way on the bed, with their heads at the foot, but Peggy really couldn’t bring herself to care just yet.

“Remind me why the fuck we didn’t do this earlier?” Bucky asked, and he didn’t sound any less wrecked than the two of them. When Peggy summoned the energy to turn her head and look, she saw him wiping fresh semen from his hand onto the sheet - he’d finished himself off the second time, and given how quickly he must have done it, he’d found the sight of Steve and Peggy _very_ arousing.

He settled in on Peggy’s other side, leaving her pressed between the two of them. Steve’s arm was under her shoulders, and Bucky’s went around her waist, until she felt cocooned in the comforting warmth of their bodies.

“Hell if I know,” Steve answered Bucky’s question with a gruff chuckle. “If I have anything to say about it, we’re doing it again as often as possible.”

Peggy laughed, though it was more of a breathless wheeze given how little of her voice seemed to be left. She must have been screaming more than she’d realized. Thank God for the amazing soundproofing in their quarters. 

“Will you both stay? For a little while?” She knew it wouldn’t last all night. Bucky never stayed until morning, too afraid of hurting her in the midst of a nightmare as he had once before. She had no idea what Steve’s habits were these days, but there was a chance that he might be willing to remain beside her all night. Either way, she wanted to fall asleep cradled between them while she could.

“Yeah,” Bucky answered, stroking his hand over her hip in a gentle caress. “Not going anywhere for a while.”

“We’re all yours, Peggy,” Steve agreed softly. He sounded content, but when she looked up at him she saw that shadow in his eyes again and she knew he was thinking of the woman he was used to sleeping beside.

Resting her head on his chest and listening to the way his racing heart gradually began to slow, Peggy hoped the loss of Natasha wasn’t going to eat at him forever the way losing her had. It wasn’t that she begrudged his love for the other woman. But she’d only just found a way to stop him from hurting over _her_ , and it would be nice if that meant he wasn’t hurting at all.

“I love you,” she whispered to them both, and got murmurs of agreement from both sides. For the first time in... well, decades, she felt happy and content with her life.

She just wanted both of them to feel the same.


	3. Chapter 3

With the assassin’s training Bucky had received from HYDRA he was more than capable of leaving her quarters without making a sound, but somehow Peggy always woke when he did. Perhaps it was the shift of the mattress as he slid off it, but it wasn’t as though she was roused when he simply rolled over.

As usual by the time she was actually awake enough to open her eyes, all she saw was the last thin line of light disappear as he silently closed the door. Not that she would have tried to stop him, but she preferred it when she at least had a chance to gauge his mood before he vanished.

Sighing, she rolled over and reached out, but her hand encountered nothing but empty bed. Blinking, Peggy lifted her head to look around and confirmed that yes, she was alone in the room.

It hadn’t been quite two weeks since Steve had first joined them, though he didn’t sleep with them every night. Peggy suspected he wanted to leave her some time alone with Bucky, and that was only fair since every so often Bucky had one of his bad days and would leave her to Steve as well.

But he’d started out with them tonight, and he’d never before disappeared without warning the way Bucky always did. She thought at first that he might have gone _with_ Bucky, but the sheets on Steve’s side were cold and Bucky’s were still warm.

Rising, Peggy slipped on a robe - the same scandalously short kind she’d once answered Natasha’s door in. Both her boys liked seeing her in them, and she certainly didn’t mind showing off her legs. If Steve was up and restless, but still here, perhaps she could entice him back to bed and take his mind off it.

Thankfully when she opened the bedroom doorway she found him curled up in an armchair, head bowed over something in his lap. All she could see from this angle was his back, but the familiar soft scratching of pencil against paper told her what he was doing. He’d brought a desk lamp over to the side table, and the dim bulb lit the room softly.

He didn’t seem to have noticed that he was no longer alone, which was unusual. As Peggy moved around the chair she saw that he was frowning at the page. Not in concentration, but exactly the opposite - as if he was so lost in his thoughts he wasn’t even aware of what he was drawing.

“Steve?” she finally prompted, knowing it was a bad idea to get close and touch him if he truly didn’t know she was there. He wasn’t as bad about being startled as Bucky, but he still had that reflexive defensive reaction honed by so many battles.

Sure enough he jumped, slamming the sketchbook closed and looking around. When he saw her he sighed. “Geez, Peggy, don’t sneak up on me like that. I could hurt you.”

“I’m not in range,” she pointed out, and saw him measure the distance between them before he relaxed. Part of her hated that she had to be so very careful around them both, but it wasn’t as if she minded putting the effort in to make them comfortable. Steve just wasn’t used to the fact that she knew enough to _be_ careful, yet.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked, moving forward now that it was safe. She perched on the arm of his chair with one knee up as though she was riding sidesaddle, her hip brushing against his shoulder. When she ran her fingers through his pale hair he sighed and relaxed into the contact, so she knew whatever was bothering him wasn’t nightmares. He’d have stayed tense longer, if that were the case.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Steve gave her an apologetic look, which both was and wasn’t an answer.

“Bucky did.” Peggy smiled when he blinked at her, confused. “You didn’t even hear him leave, did you?”

“No,” he said, sheepish. “Guess I was lost in thought.”

“You’ve been doing that a lot lately.” She dropped her hand to rub at his neck, feeling the tightness in the muscles there. He groaned appreciatively and relaxed a little more as she coaxed the tension out of him. “I’ve been worried about you. Talk to me?”

For a long moment he was silent, and she was afraid he wouldn’t answer. It wasn’t the first time she’d asked, but he tended to brush it off or distract her by kissing her, depending on whether they were in public or not.

Finally he sighed. “Do you remember when we first met up again in Europe?”

“Of course. It was rather memorable.” She didn’t even try to stop the cheeky smile that crossed her lips. “You looked so dashing on stage.”

“Thanks,” he grumbled, and didn’t sound thankful in the least. “It feels like the same thing all over again. I’ve got everything I ever wanted. _More_ than I ever dared to dream of wanting. Having you and Bucky both, God, I’ve gotta be the luckiest guy alive. You’re amazing, both of you, and I’ve never been so happy.”

He looked up at her, searching her eyes; his expression was full of regret and longing. It was a match for the way he’d looked that day in the rain in Europe. “So why do I feel like I’m wearing tights, again?”

It was a rhetorical question, of course. He knew why he wasn’t truly happy, and he knew that she knew. He also knew that it hurt her to see _him_ hurting, and so in true Steve fashion he buried it all and shoved it away and tried his best not to let on that he was still bleeding out inside. They’d finally healed one wound, only to open another.

Natasha had returned after three days, with no explanation of where she’d been. Very little had changed between the two in their work hours, and Peggy wasn’t sure whether that spoke more of their professionalism from before or after the breakup. They had never allowed their relationship to affect how they ran the base together in the first place, and they weren’t allowing the lack of it to affect how they did things now. The only real difference was the lack of friendly banter that had once characterized their partnership.

But after hours, oh, it hurt to see them together. They avoided each other for the most part, but when they did interact it was painfully civil and remote. Natasha was far better than Steve at hiding her pain, though he was doing a good job of it, but that cool distance gave them both away.

Reaching down, Peggy tugged the sketchbook out of his hands. He resisted at first, cheeks flushing, but gave way to her at last. Flipping it open to the most recent page, she wasn’t in the least surprised to discover a half-finished sketch of the woman in question.

He’d improved since the last time she’d seen his drawings, or maybe it was just that he cared so much more about the subject matter. The way he was pining over Natasha came through in the soft, wistful lines on the page. “I think it might just have something to do with this, darling,” she finally answered his question. “You _don’t_ really have everything you want.”

Biting his lip, Steve lowered his eyes to the sketch. More because he wanted to avoid meeting her gaze than because he wanted to look at it, Peggy thought. “I’ve got two incredible people who love me,” he said. “That’s two more than most people have. And I’m upset ‘cause I don’t get to have a third? That’s just greedy.”

“The heart rarely listens to reason,” she reminded him, closing the book again and setting it aside. “Don’t you think perhaps it’s time you forgave her?”

A muscle jumped in his jaw as he ground his teeth, and he shook his head. “Not until she at least acknowledges she did something wrong. Just that much, I don’t even care about the apology any more. But if she won’t or can’t recognize that she made a mistake, how can I believe that she won’t just do the same damned thing all over again? I can’t forgive her if I can’t trust her.”

“You still trust her at your back in battle,” Peggy said. “Unless you don’t, in which case you are bloody well not going out on any more missions with her until you do, because that could get all of you killed.”

“No, I still do.” Steve grimaced. “It’s not like I think she’d screw the team over. God, never, not intentionally. She sees the Avengers as her chance at redemption, and much as she sometimes seems to think she doesn’t deserve that chance, she’s never failed to step up when it mattered. But on a personal level? She’s proven that she’ll protect herself no matter the cost, and she doesn’t even see anything wrong with it.”

“Was it truly so awful, that she kept her past with Bucky from you?” Peggy asked gently. “What good would it have done to tell you earlier? Was there anything she could say that would have made enough difference to justify the agony of laying herself bare like that? I’m sure there are a great many things about her life she’s never told you, and things you’ve never told her.”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” Steve argued. He had that mulish look she knew too well, with his jaw set and his eyes hard. “Of course there are things she’s never told me, and I never pushed. She’s got a right to her privacy. But you don’t keep secrets from the people you care about that could affect _them_ , especially about something this big.”

Peggy felt like she was trying to lead him by the hand through a minefield, while he insisted there was no such thing as landmines and wanted to stride straight through it in the most direct route. He saw the world in black and white, and believed other people should, too. 

It was one of his best qualities, and also one of his worst. Dr. Erskine had been determined to find a truly _good_ man to use his serum on, because it would amplify whatever was in that man’s heart. Peggy often wondered if Steve’s obstinate denial of the existence of shades of grey was his version of a bully turning into a dictator.

“And you’ve always been one hundred percent honest throughout your life, about everything that could possibly matter to the people you love?” she asked him, hoping she was taking the right track.

“Probably not,” he admitted. “But I at least _try_. I certainly wouldn’t hide something just for the sake of protecting myself.”

“Is that so.” Peggy made her voice extremely dry. “Because I was under the impression that Bucky was _quite_ surprised to discover that you would welcome sexual contact with him. I know I was.”

His eyes widened and a flush crossed his cheeks as he opened his mouth to answer. She put two fingers over his lips, and raised an eyebrow at him in her best Scolding Teacher fashion. “Think very carefully before you say the words ‘that’s different’, Steve.”

When he closed his mouth again, she removed her fingers. As usual his heart was on his sleeve, and she could _see_ the arguments and justifications running through his mind by the way his expression kept shifting. 

In the end he sighed deeply, and rubbed the bridge of his nose as though she’d given him a headache. He looked up at her again, resigned to the truth. “You’re right. I thought it wouldn’t hurt anybody to hide it, and it probably _would_ hurt me to tell the truth, so I kept it secret. To protect myself. I couldn’t stand the thought that I might lose Bucky if I was honest.”

“Which is...?” Peggy said, her tone leading. He needed to be the one to say it, to force himself to admit that he’d been wrong.

“Exactly what Natasha did,” he finished, right on cue. He sighed again, a disgusted sound this time, and she knew it was aimed internally. “I overreacted, didn’t I.”

“Rather badly, I’m afraid.” Peggy ran her fingers through his hair again, petting him the way she knew he liked in an attempt to console him. “I’m not saying she’s blameless. At the very least she should have acknowledged her part in hurting you, apologized for that even if she had every right not to apologize for refusing to bare her soul to you.”

“Why the Hell didn’t you knock some sense into me earlier?” he asked ruefully.

“Because you weren’t ready to listen,” Peggy told him, scratching her nails lightly over his scalp. “There was no point in bludgeoning you with a solution for a problem you refused to admit existed. I don’t know if you’re aware of it, darling, but you’re somewhat stubborn.”

That made him chuckle, at least. “So I’ve been told. Repeatedly, and at length.” 

He fell quiet again and she let him think, using her touch to offer comfort and grounding. “I’m not sure it matters,” he said after a long moment. “Even if I am willing to forgive her, she’s hardly said three words to me that weren’t Avengers-related.”

“Nor have you to her.” Peggy rolled her eyes, since he was too lost in thought to notice.

“Yeah, but...” He shook his head, dislodging her hand, but he didn’t seem to mind when she switched to rubbing his neck again instead. “She’s been pushing me at you since we found you. We damn near broke up after that week she spent avoiding us when you first got here, and I swear to God she’s been provoking me into thinking about you and Bucky _more_ , not less, the whole time. It’s like she was just waiting for the right chance to bow out and was grateful for the excuse to do it.”

If Natasha really had been deliberately inflaming Steve’s hurt and longing over her relationship with Bucky that was a bit cruel, but Peggy thought perhaps it hadn’t been intended that way. It might have been an effort to ensure Steve would agree to the foursome the other woman had suggested.

Although, from what she’d come to know of Natasha, that seemed an uncharacteristically clumsy manipulation attempt. She was capable of far more subtlety than that, which led Peggy to conclude that she must have had another end game planned. Perhaps several.

Still, she couldn’t bring herself to believe that it was because Natasha didn’t care for Steve and had been trying to gently rid herself of him. Peggy had seen the way Natasha looked at Steve when she thought nobody else was paying attention. For that matter if her relationship with Steve truly hadn’t meant anything to Natasha, she wouldn’t have been so apprehensive about his reaction to the revelation about her and Bucky.

“I think she’s lying to herself more than to you, and that’s why she keeps trying to put distance between you,” she told Steve. “She’s afraid if she doesn’t, she’ll have to deal with the fact that she cares a great deal more than she wants to admit.”

“You’ve never seen the way she closes me out,” Steve insisted. “It’s the strangest damned thing, Peg. She flips a switch and it’s as though none of it was ever important to her in the first place, she’s completely cool and unaffected. Even when she doesn’t shut down completely, the more something feels to me like it should matter, the less she seems to think it does. It forces me to wonder which is the act - caring, or not caring.”

“ _Steve._ ” Peggy wanted to shake him, to see if it would rattle some sense into that thick skull of his. “If Natasha didn’t care about you, she wouldn’t need to hide her feelings away to convince you of that and protect herself. She just _wouldn’t care_ from the start.”

He stared at her like she’d proven the sky was blue, when he’d thought it was green all along. Which, now that she thought on it, was a revelation he might in fact have experienced when the serum corrected his colour-blindness.

“Oh,” he said, and he sounded absolutely dumbstruck. Good, she was finally getting through to him. After all this time, he still didn’t know a bloody thing about women.

 _Men_. Sometimes she doubted they were truly worth the bother of keeping around.

“You say she’s been pushing you at me - perhaps at me _and_ Bucky,” she continued. “I can’t tell you how many times I had to fight with Bucky over his belief that I should leave him and go back to you. He was so certain that I would be happier with you and that he wasn’t worthy of me, he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness to make sure I got mine. Sound familiar? You cannot possibly argue that he was trying to push me at you because he _didn’t_ love me.”

“Oh,” he repeated. “No, I... of course not. You really think it’s the same thing?” He looked so painfully hopeful, like he wanted badly to believe her but was terrified that she was wrong and he’d break his heart all over again.

“Given the things she said that night about love being an illusion, and what you’ve told me about how she often doesn’t feel worthy of being considered a hero because of her past? Yes, I think it might very well be exactly the same thing. There’s only one way to find out.” Leaning over, she kissed him on the temple. “Though I think you might need to offer some very sincere apologies, first.”

It wasn't that Peggy wanted to lose him, but it was obvious to her that Steve simply wasn't going to be truly happy without Natasha in his life. It did hurt to know that she wasn't his first in his heart any longer, she couldn't deny that, but he wasn't first in hers, either. They'd both had years apart and other relationships in between to soften the blow. In truth he'd been with Natasha far longer than with her, if she counted the time the two had spent as partners before becoming lovers as well. And if Peggy was very lucky, Natasha would remain open to the idea of Steve continuing his relationship with her and Bucky, so they could have the best of both worlds.

Knowing him, he’d take a few more days to process everything and absorb the ideas she’d shocked him with. Not to mention he’d want a plan of attack; he’d determine the best way to approach Natasha, and the most effective way to apologize, and never mind that strategies usually went completely to Hell once a battle was entered.

That should give her enough time to get the other half of this story. Just in case she was wrong, after all.


End file.
